I spend a lot of my time comparing myself to other people. It’s probably one of my more tragic flaws. Generally the people I compare myself to are fictional, which makes it even harder to live up to those expectations.
Today’s fictional comparison is Bobby from the Sondheim musical Company. “Originally titled Threes, [the] plot revolves around Bobby (a single man unable to commit fully to a steady relationship, let alone marriage), the five married couples who are his best friends, and his three girlfriends…”
Company has been one of my favorite musicals since I went through my first Sondheim binge my senior year of high school. This one has always stuck with me. As I find myself getting older (laugh, because as you know I’m only 22), I find myself relating more and more to Bobby, the lovable, uncommitted pushover protagonist.
Unmarried and 35, he finds himself surrounded by his married friends, dating different women. His friends and potential dates are always prodding him to get married or being envious of his bachelor, uncommitted status. Even with that thirteen year age difference, I find myself feeling similar. My friends are in happy relationships, with lovers and friend groups of their own. I’m happy for them, truly. I can’t help but want something like that for myself. After all, isn’t that the next logical step after having a career and a place to live?
“What I am is like this park here…out of place.”
I don’t belong, and maybe it’s just being in a new city and not having the things I’m used to–like a group of friends and my family close by. But it’s definitely lonely.
“Somebody, need me too much. Somebody, know me too well. Somebody, pull me up short and put me through hell and give me support for being alive.”