I’m really excited about this week’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday topic, being “getting out or getting away.”
…There are a lot of different directions you could go with the post topic this week. I’ve been thinking about it for a significant amount of time. The words “away” and “out” could mean so many different things. What’s great about being a part of this series is that you get to see lots of different interpretations of the topic. It broadens your horizons. SomeKernelsofTruth and Good Lifestyler feature two of the posts that I really loved this week.
I wanted to go a different direction entirely away from where others have gone. I’ll talk about my “getting out of my shell” this week.
This week has been extremely difficult. I have bipolar II disorder, as previously discussed. There are days I feel like a normal human being, and there are days I feel like some sort of space alien. The move(s) between cities/states, all within the last year–New York to Maryland to Alabama for ten days to Colorado to Maryland to Virginia to Maryland to Virginia to Maryland to New York and (finally) to Washington, DC–have made finding consistent mental health care difficult. Insurance, location changes, and schedule conflicts have only added to the difficulty.
This week, my first full week in DC, I ran out of medication. I’ve been on anti-anxiety medication for almost two years now and I’ve been on mood stabilizers since December. It was difficult for me to start them. You never want to admit that you need some chemical to survive as a “normal” person for the rest of your life. But, sometimes you have to swallow your pride with those pills and learn to make them part of the day-to-day routine. I’m a creature of habit, a creature that is very comfortable with a routine and a schedule once they’re established. Not having medication has thrown me for a loop and taken me out of my comfort zone.
But you find ways to get out of the slump and you find ways to do new things. I’ve taken to exploring the city, relying minimally on GPS navigation–I’ve got nowhere important to be for the time being, so I can get somewhat lost or stumble upon new things. I never liked going places by myself. I’m only so independent. But I’ve been going places and doing things in order to regulate my mood and keep me going.
And I’ll be very thankful Thursday afternoon when I get out of the house and back into the doctor’s office…