Stream of Consciousness Saturday (July 12)

I’m really excited about this week’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday topic, being “getting out or getting away.”

…There are a lot of different directions you could go with the post topic this week. I’ve been thinking about it for a significant amount of time. The words “away” and “out” could mean so many different things. What’s great about being a part of this series is that you get to see lots of different interpretations of the topic. It broadens your horizons. SomeKernelsofTruth and Good Lifestyler feature two of the posts that I really loved this week.

I wanted to go a different direction entirely away from where others have gone. I’ll talk about my “getting out of my shell” this week.

This week has been extremely difficult. I have bipolar II disorder, as previously discussed. There are days I feel like a normal human being, and there are days I feel like some sort of space alien. The move(s) between cities/states, all within the last year–New York to Maryland to Alabama for ten days to Colorado to Maryland to Virginia to Maryland to Virginia to Maryland to New York and (finally) to Washington, DC–have made finding consistent mental health care difficult. Insurance, location changes, and schedule conflicts have only added to the difficulty.

This week, my first full week in DC, I ran out of medication. I’ve been on anti-anxiety medication for almost two years now and I’ve been on mood stabilizers since December. It was difficult for me to start them. You never want to admit that you need some chemical to survive as a “normal” person for the rest of your life. But, sometimes you have to swallow your pride with those pills and learn to make them part of the day-to-day routine. I’m a creature of habit, a creature that is very comfortable with a routine and a schedule once they’re established. Not having medication has thrown me for a loop and taken me out of my comfort zone. 

But you find ways to get out of the slump and you find ways to do new things. I’ve taken to exploring the city, relying minimally on GPS navigation–I’ve got nowhere important to be for the time being, so I can get somewhat lost or stumble upon new things. I never liked going places by myself. I’m only so independent. But I’ve been going places and doing things in order to regulate my mood and keep me going. 

And I’ll be very thankful Thursday afternoon when I get out of the house and back into the doctor’s office…

6 thoughts on “Stream of Consciousness Saturday (July 12)

  1. Thanks for your kind words about my post and for linking it here! I really appreciate that. I too love SOCS since we get to see so many different takes on the same prompt, as you said. As for your post, I really enjoyed what you did with the prompt and love your approach to being in a slump by doing new things. That’s a great strategy! Oh, and as for your statement that “you never want to admit that you need some chemical to survive as a ‘normal’ person for the rest of your life” — I get what you mean, but I’ve heard it said that if you needed insulin for diabetes, you wouldn’t feel bad or weird about it, right? So no reason to feel that way with ay other necessary medication! So glad you swallowed your pride and started them 2 years ago, as you wrote…anyway, great post. And good luck with everything in DC!

  2. I will be with you, rooting for Thurdaday to get here, so you can feel “right” again. In the meantime, though, I love your approach. Get out, see things, do things…and DC is a great place to do just that!

    People who are at peace with themselves tend to be more peaceful to others, too. If medication allows you that, that doesn’t detract from the result- a life you can enjoy living!

    And I think that would be a lot of moving and stress for just about anyone!

    1. It definitely was! I spent a lot of time living out of backpacks and bags when I was moving that much..but I adapted pretty well. I’m very thankful for your kind words. Hopefully with the new psychiatrist everything will go swimmingly. I’m just absolutely looking forward to being back to my medical routine.

      1. For the first few years of our marriage, until our son was a few weeks old, we lived in a travel trailer and worked in national parks -so we took our entire house with us as we moved from place to place. Not the same as living out of a backpack, but maybe it gives me a deeper appreciation for the transient life than I had growing up in one place.

        Ironically, the last time I was in DC, it was to celebrate that same child’s seventh birthday. He’d heard about the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum, and wanted to go. So we traveled from upstate NY, and camped in Maryland. Both kids loved riding the Metro. In four days, we explored 3 museums, the Capitol (a dull tour for adults, and not remotely geared for kids!), various points along the Mall, and the National Zoo.

        I’ve always wanted to be there for the cherry blossoms – maybe someday I will be.

        I’ll be thinking many positive thoughts for you, hoping that things work out in a way that lets you feel balanced and settled.

  3. DC is such a fun city to get lost in, too. I went there for a week and a half after high school graduation and had so much fun getting lost and discovering new things. Best of luck to you as you come off the medication. There’s no shame in being on them, but you are very brave to go off.

    1. Thank you! Being without my medication has definitely been an experience and it just shows me that I can do it, but I’d just rather not do it without.

      I worked in DC for a few months, but I worked on the complete opposite side of where I live now, so it’s nice to be able to see different parts of the city. I’m just really grateful to be here and to be able to have the luxury of getting lost and finding things.

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