As with every Saturday, I will be participating in Stream of Consciousness Saturday.
This week’s prompt is the word “body.”
…I’ve never really been comfortable in my own body. I’ve always been bigger than all the other girls and it’s made me very self-conscious. There was never an advantage to being short and stocky. It was always just something to make me even more envious of all the popular girls I knew while I was growing up. I wanted to be cool like them, pretty like them, skinny like them.
I never had that. I never got skinny. I’m still bigger than most. I’m still not completely comfortable–there are times when I get frustrated with the size that I am. Most particularly, when I go clothes shopping. It’s extremely frustrating when you fall right between the misses and plus sizes of women’s clothing–and “plus size” is a term I absolutely despise.
It’s hard to find clothes that properly fit my body. Right now, I’m wearing a men’s tank top that’s a size too big and can’t be worn in public because I would be flashing people. (It hangs too low on my chest and there’s a lot of side-boob going on.)
But, my body is mine. I have to make the most of it. I have to be grateful for what I have been given. I have abused and misused my body time and time again, but the fact that there are pieces of art on it makes up for that. Every time I put a new tattoo on my body, I feel like I show more gratitude for it. I appreciate it enough to make it more beautiful. Five tattoos later, I’m a little more comfortable. One more tattoo on the way–to send my love to my FEMA Corps team, Otter 6, and it will be nearly perfect in my eyes.
It has taken what feels like an eternity to get to this point. But, there is always progress to appreciate and progress to be made.